I suppose I’ll never learn. Today, everything was going smoothly enough. David was ready early, and had already eaten breakfast. John was watching the ambiguously gay dinosaur and minding his own business and I realized I hadn’t yet gone “PeePee.”
It seemed like I had time for a quick standup, so I hurried to the back to take care of my business. I left the door open to listen for screams and was about 5 seconds into things when I heard the pantry door slide open.
“John Ryan, get out of the closet!”
I heard the door slide closed and hurriedly finished up. I had just flushed when I heard “oh, no!” from the living room.
I rushed toward the living room and was greeted in the hallway by a guilty-looking toddler.
“Daddy, eat food.”
“I’ll get you something to eat, but first I have to clean up whatever you just did.”
“Hi, John. Let ‘s go see what happened.”
What happened was that John found big brother’s cereal.
I figured cleanup would have to wait until we got back from taking David to school, so we all loaded up and got going.
We dropped David off, and headed to Albertsons to pick up a few things. We were in the dairy section when I saw an older gentleman with no nose pushing a shopping cart. He had a bandage taped flatly to his face, without a bulge underneath. John, of course, was kind enough to point him out to me in his absolutely loudest voice.
“Daddy! What’s that?” (which is pronounced, ‘Daddy, zat?’)
“He’s shopping, buddy. Same as us.” I pushed the cart to the veggie section at warp speed.
We finally got home with no more incidents, and John was kind enough to help with the cleanup in the living room.
I fixed John some “toe” and made myself some eggs and veggie sausage. John took a single bite of toe, and then decided his cleanup efforts had been too exhausting to continue.
The rest of the day should be interesting.