God stuff – Page 22 – A Work in Progress

Critical Thinking

I did a testimony before the FCC Youth Group and College Group Sunday night, and I’ve been picking it apart in my mind ever since. I guess it’s like everyone says–we’re our own worst critics.

What I’ve been thinking about is that I spent so much time focusing on my…brokenness and what I felt were the reasons for it that I didn’t spend enough time on what God had actually changed in my life. I focused on what at the time was hopelessness rather than hope.

I think that’s historically been my tendency. The interesting part is that as much stuff was messed up or tragic in my life, the blessings Jesus brought to my life once I let him were a hundredfold. More, even.

Yes, my parents died far too young and I grew up (mostly) without them. I still had my sisters, and they were and are incredible women who love me even when I’m a giant a-hole.

I experienced a lot of death in my life, but I experienced even more life. Before I had my own family, I got to watch my nieces and nephews grow up. And after I got together with my wife, I became part of her family as well. They accepted me immediately, as I was. And I got to watch my older son grow from just out of his toddler years to the strong and vibrant 8 year old he is this very day. Then I got to witness my younger boy literally enter the world. Amazing doesn’t cover it.

I spent many long years alone, and trying so many things to fill the voids in my heart and life. Those voids are filled (though my desire for God has only been stoked. It grows exponentially. The more I get, the more I want…). My wife is not just someone I sleep next to who shares my name. She’s my partner in all things. She’s with me literally in sickness and health, for better and worse. She’s seen me at my worst and at my best. She is extraordinary, and I love that even if the part of life we share here is brief, there is more.

There is more.

There is so much more.

I need to stop thinking so much about what made me the way I was, and focus on who made me the way I am. And I need to be ready to share that with people.

Go To Hell

Last week, someone I’m friends with thanks to my wife and social networking had a posting I thought was really interesting. They were quoting an extremely popular atheist apologist who said something to the effect that it was a form of “mental child abuse” to tell a child they were going to hell for “not being good.”

My friend went on to say if anyone told her kids they were going to hell because of some “sky bully,” she would more or less go all “mama bear” on them. I get that instinct, I do.

The thing is, I don’t know a single Christian that would tell someone they’ll go to hell for not being good. I am of the opinion that not a single person would come to Christ from the scared straight approach. I do not believe telling people what will eventually happen if they don’t come to faith in Christ is an effective way to witness.

Clobbering someone with words does. Not. Show. Them. Jesus.

Rather, we should tell them what can happen if they do choose Jesus. We do this by telling them what his presence has done in our lives, and the changes the Holy Spirit has wrought in us.

It’s very true that people can argue all the livelong day about whether or not Jesus is real, or about doctrinal issues. But your story is your story. It happened to you, and if you’re honest with people about what your faith has done in your life, I believe people are more likely to respond to it than if they’re threatened with hell.

It just seems like a better way to spread the Good News.

Throwing Fits

Earlier today, John really wanted a cookie (he calls them cakies). I informed him he needed to eat his food first, and then he could have dessert when we came home. He proceeded to have a pretty good meltdown, complete with a healthy portion of tears and carrying on.

He wanted that cookie right then and was pissed when he didn’t get it.

Around the same time, my older son wanted to go for a bike ride with his grandpa (we were hanging out over there). That didn’t work out, either, and he went into a class III pout/sulk. This is an 8 year-old version of throwing a fit, and not much different from what his little brother was doing.

He wanted to go for that ride, and he was pissed when he didn’t get to.

I was thinking about the whole thing tonight when we got home and it occurred to me how much like that we are with God. We go to him with entreaties for what we think we need to have or want to do and we throw fits if it doesn’t happen on our timetables.

We want our cookies now, and sometimes there are other things we need to do first, or go through first.

I’m as guilty of this as anyone. There was a time a few years before I met my wife when I was convinced I’d met the person I was “supposed” to be with. I remember praying that God would help that situation work out in my favor. I was convinced that if it happened with us, every other messed up thing about my life and myself would suddenly make sense.

It did work out, for a time, and I was happy enough. But not really. I knew she was pulling me away from God, but I didn’t care. I told myself I had things under control.

I don’t think it surprised anyone when things imploded in a spectacular fashion that messed me up for years, until a beautiful young woman from Yuma sent me a message on MySpace.

After things ended, I was furious with God. I resolved not to ever share that part of myself with anyone again, even though I desperately wanted to. With that resolution, I was also withholding part of me from God. It wasn’t just the matter of denying my company to the ladies, but also rejecting the part of me God created to know him best.

I was throwing a fit, because I wanted to be with this woman and God knew better than I what I actually needed.

Maybe it’s like that with you, or has been. You want something from God or someone else, and you want it now.

Maybe you won’t get it. I don’t know how you respond to that, but for me it made me want to turn away from God rather than toward him. It made me take my toys and leave the sandbox for a while, metaphorically speaking.

It didn’t help at all.

So how do you handle it when God doesn’t give you what you want? Do you throw a fit? Do you sulk? Do you run toward God or away from him?

From There to Here

I’ve been trying to organize a bunch of my thoughts over the past year or so into something a little more cohesive. I wanted to share with people a bit more about where I was, and how I got here from there. My final result ended up looking like this. For better or worse, it’s done. Check it out if you have a chance. You can post your comments here if you want to let me know what you think.

John’s First Drawing

Finding My Place to Serve

If someone would have told me even a year ago I’d be serving and worshipping with the FCC Youth Ministry in any way other than perhaps vacuuming the Upper Room I would have told them they had to be higher than the clear blue sky.

Yet that is what happened.

One or perhaps two Sunday mornings a month you will find me in the high school room doing my best impersonation of “teacher.” I wonder how I got there sometimes. Oh, yeah. It’s because my wife is more awesome than yours.

We were having a conversation about serving, and where we might do that. More specifically where I might serve. She encouraged me to think of where I’d been hurt the most, and blessed with the most healing by God. She said she thought that is where I would be most effective in my service.

High school, without a doubt.

I was not a popular kid. I was a geek then and am now. The popular kids then were just as ruthless then as they today, I’d imagine. When you combine that with the deaths of three people close to me thanks to heart attack, suicide and cancer from 16-18 you get a messed up kid, which I very much was.

I made it, though, and I am here today by the Grace of a loving and forgiving God who saw fit to speak truth about my value to Him into my wasted heart. I may be patched, and I may be scarred, but Jesus was, too.

The knowledge that he did those things on my part is why I can go into that room on Sunday mornings and just keep sharing with the kids the truth that’s been revealed to me, even though it scares the crap out of me sometimes.

Aside: Let me tell you about the Youth Ministers at FCC. They are two young men who lift those kids up in ways many of them will never even know. They preach, and teach, and pray, and they make the kids think and challenge the things that feel so much like truth when you’re young.

They use the gospel, and humor, and truth, and the Grace empowered them by a God who is in the business of reaching people. These men, along with the other men and women who serve as teachers and Focus Group leaders, prayors and laborers–they’re doing a great work, and a labor of love. They are, to a person, awesome.

–end of aside

I am not yet including myself in that awesomeness, because I have much yet to learn. Yet because of serving with them and praying with them over the past few months, I know I am in the right place and doing the right thing. I thank and praise God for that assurance.

It is no picnic. It’s tough being a kid, and often being made to go places you aren’t that interested in being. Like Sunday School.

I’m not giving up on them, and I plan to stick with both the ministry and them as long as they’ll have me or until God wants me somewhere else. Certainly the kids will change with the time. I hope I do, too.

Right now, I’m just really grateful to be here, and have the chance to do what I’m doing.

Your Story Matters

Last night at church Zeb talked about sharing your story and faith with people, and how effective it can be. I believe it. Hearing stories from people about what God had done in their lives showed him to me in a way just hearing a lesson never would have.

I think our stories are so effective because they can show people they aren’t alone in their struggles, and that there is hope.

For what it’s worth, here’s something I came up with a while back that gives you an idea about my story.

NewBreak

I’ve been following the growth of my former church in San Diego for several years now via Facebook and the church website. I’m not at all surprised to see them spreading out over the city and impacting it, for Jesus. Just today I saw a post on Facebook that they had an ‘all-church’ baptism for more than 160 people. Pretty amazing stuff.

Without question or compare, CVCF was the most spirit-filled and spirit-led congregation I was a part of in San Diego, and I was part of quite a few. Pastor Mike Quinn is one of the most humble and faithful servants and leaders I’ve ever met, as were all of the staff and elders (one of whom became a good friend, but more on that another time).

I think of one particular time back in 2006. All the new small group leaders were supposed to attend this rally/class at the Tierrasanta campus, and I was leading a group for those people new to the church–CV101, they called it at the time. I remember Pastor Mike and another gentleman (Billy Pirtle, I think it was) washing the feet of all the new and previous leaders. There were a lot of people. I remember I didn’t want him to wash mine because they were giant, hairy, disgusting hobbit feet. I had not come prepared.

Yet wash them he did. I remember him doing it, and praying for me and my small group (who at the time had no members) all the while, so intently he looked about to tear up. I learned plenty about humility in leadership from Pastor Mike.

There are many reasons why CVCF impacted my life so much, but for the purpose of this writing, I will focus on just two. I don’t want to crash the WordPress server.

1. Small Groups. Pastor Mike always used to say he was after each and every one of us to take part in a small group, and after a relatively short while, I decided to take part in one. It was what was then called the “career group,” I think, and was led by Matt and Carrie, before they were the Botkins.

That group made me realized how important that kind of community is to a person’s spiritual growth, and the friendship, discipleship, love and acceptance I found there are a big part of the reason I was able to lead several groups of my own, eventually.

A friend from Atlanta once described the small group dynamic to me like this, and I thought it was a pretty good comparison. Going to a church service is like walking into the foyer of a house. You don’t really do any socializing there. You’d go into the living room, or the kitchen, or somewhere you’d be more comfortable.

Church is like that because in a smaller setting, like a home group or bible study– that’s where the real ministry gets done. That’s where we learn the most about God and ourselves.

I think that’s so true. And the small group ministry at CVCF helped me to find something within myself I never knew was there. God called a leader out of me, and that was the last thing I expected. I still talk semi-regularly with Matt (mostly via social networking, unfortunately), and I will always be grateful for his friendship and leadership as well.

If you’re not part of a small group or bible study at your church, you need to be. I believe it to be a vital part of the process of edification, and a place where true fellowship happens and real accountability can be found.

My wife and I were part of a great group a little while ago that was like that for me–for us. It was led by the (at the time) youth minister at FCC, and it was a really interesting and diverse collection of people, that together made for some great discussions and powerful times of fellowship. I learned a lot from that group, and I hope when my wife and I are able to start up something similar at our home it works out the same for those people from The Rock Church who will attend. I might also add that Zeb, the leader of my former group, has become one of my closest friends (next to my wife, Jen), and has been a tremendous blessing to me.

2. Prayer. CVCF was the first church I’d been to where I saw someone literally prostrate themselves in prayer. It kind of perplexed me at first because I hadn’t seen anything like it before. It was intense. I began to see more and more people experiencing God in ways that were foreign to me, and worshipping with true abandon. You can find a little more about my experience in that ministry

It was kind of a trip at first, but not long after I became a member at CVCF, I found out about Healing Prayer, which is truly something extraordinary. I first experienced HP as a prayee, which is the person being prayed for. It was through that experience I learned a great deal about my own woundings, and was able to hear God’s truth about them and myself for the first time.

Not long after that experience, I was actually able to join the ministry as an intercessor. It was through nearly four years of that experience–of praying for others–that I learned what a difference prayer can really make, and the changes it can bring in a life through the Holy Spirit.

I also learned through HP that I seem to have some small gift for speaking to people who are broken in many ways and not breaking them further. I love talking to people, and HP offered me the chance not to just talk to them, but pray for them. Pray with them. Anoint them, and bless them.

Through HP I learned about the truth of spiritual warfare, and what true deliverance looks like. I learned that heroes can also be school teachers, and hospital administrators, and nurses, and stay at home mothers. I learned that God can use anyone at anytime to reach out to people in pain, to broken and brokenhearted people and bring them healing through His truth.

It was through HP I found the courage to face my own darkness and realize through Jesus it had never really been that dark. I learned how to take the battle to the enemy, who is just as real as God.

All of that to say if it were not for CVCF and the people I spent time with while I was there, I would certainly not be here today. It’s an extraordinary, vibrant and spirit-filled church, and if you’re in San Diego and don’t have a church home, I encourage you to check it out (here).

I know they are not called CVCF anymore, but they were the whole time I was there and that’s what they’ll always be to me.

So thanks to Kris for inviting me there.

Thanks to Merrill and Allyn for believing in me, encouraging me, and holding me accountable.

Thanks to Pastor Mike Quinn, for being an amazing shepherd.

Thanks to all the people involved in the HP ministry with me over the years I was there. There are too many to mention, but you all know who you are.

You helped me to find this place in the desert, where I belong. This family I love, and this amazing house of worship where I now serve.

But this had to happen first, and thank God it did.

3%

This morning I read a summary of remarks made by Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards at the DNC, and the gist of them was that Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and others want to make it difficult for women to obtain healthcare and other services, which are often obtained through Planned Parenthood.

I wanted to know more about what she said exactly, so I found a transcript of her speech here .

The summary seemed fairly accurate, but it did make me want to know a little more about Planned Parenthood.

They are:

the largest U.S. provider of reproductive health services, including cancer screening, HIV screening and counseling, contraception and abortion. Contraception accounts for 35% of PP’s total services and abortions account for 3%. PP conducts roughly 300,000 abortions each year, among 3 million people served.

In a fact sheet published in March of 2011, Planned Parenthood stated in 2009, they performed 332,278 abortions, out of 11,383,900 “services” performed, which would come close to confirming their stated 3% figure (more statistics available here).

Let’s just look at 332,278, the number of abortions performed in 2009. That’s a lot, even if it is a small percentage.

I think the problem Planned Parenthood is having is that they don’t want to separate themselves from that number. I believe if they did, they wouldn’t have as much trouble obtaining funding for their other “services,” which are absolutely worthwhile.

So in my opinion, Mitt Romney and others in the GOP are not necessarily wanting to deny funding to PP as simply a corporate entity, rather as a provider of abortions, small as the percentage performed actually is.

I can’t support any number, and consequently am unable to vote for anyone that does, directly or indirectly. Allow me to express my personal reasons:

Unpopular

It’s interesting how scripture can and will lead you on a journey, if you let it. This morning, for example. I sat down at the kitchen table to read, and my bible was still bookmarked in Acts from church this weekend. A reference to Deuteronomy 30:14 caught my eye:

No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.

The word is in my heart.

I struggle to find time for it sometimes. There are so many more important things. Things like breakfast, and Facebook, and fooling around on the computer.

The word is in my heart so I may obey it.

This led me to Deuteronomy 30, so I could get the context of verse 14.

15 See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. 16 For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

I look at verse 17 and 18 and it makes me so aware this is where so many are headed in today’s culture of self-absorption, self-gratification, and moral relativism.

We’ve become “tolerant” of so much as a people–as a country–that things have become permissible and even encouraged that would have landed people in chains not long ago.

It really gives me this sinking feeling when I think about it. Knowing what the world was made to be and could have been and then juxtaposing that with what it’s become is heartbreaking.

So many “religions” are coming to prominence these days that are turning heads and hearts from the only real deliverer.

The names and small g gods don’t really even matter because they are all the same, and lead to the same place.

Which isn’t heaven.

Heaven isn’t simply a state of mind, or a cornfield in Iowa. Nor is Hell.

These places are real, and the truth does not lie in Universalism, or Mormonism, or Hinduism, or any other ism. It’s great to make people feel better about themselves, but they also need to know the truth.

Wide is the path that leads to destruction, and lots of people walk it. More every day.

If you want to know the truth, and you want to avoid the destruction promised in Deuteronomy 30, you need only look to the red letters of John 14:6 (they’re red in my Life Application Study Bible, anyway):

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

It’s pretty simple, really. It might not be a popular view. It may not be thought of as “tolerant” of other religions. Some people might think it arrogant of Christians to think it, much less say it.

But it’s the truth.

Our job, believers, our only job, is to bring that truth to people and places that don’t know it. To government officials who don’t practice it, but pay lip service to curry favor and win elections, to people that hate us, and hate God.

We aren’t meant for destruction, and we need to put our petty denominational squabbles aside and do the work we were given.

I think of a song by the band Switchfoot;

we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?

We need to stop trying to make the popular kids like us, and start telling them the truth.

We need to be unpopular. We need to diminish ourselves, that He may increase. So people that don’t know him will Choose life, and their families will live.