I just woke up from a dream. When it started, I was afraid. I was in a house, but not this house. It was big, and I had dreamt of it before–and every time I’d dreamed of it, I’d been afraid, deeply afraid. Not of the house or the things in it–I’d just been scared, scared like a little kid is scared of the dark.
Except it wasn’t dark.
And following my every step was a lion. He was big, with an enormous mane, and looked like he could have eaten me in a couple of large bites if he’d been so inclined.
But he didn’t.
He just followed me. Now that I think about it, the house was more like a mansion. The hallways were long, all with long runners, and there were lots of stairs. And many doors.
(in my father’s house are many mansions)
And everywhere I went I could see the lion out of the corner of my eye. I would turn a corner, he would turn it right after me. It was like he was just hanging back enough that I could always see him.
He was always there.
Everything I did, every mundane task I performed, he was there. Behind me.
I don’t remember feeling afraid, either. I was oddly comforted. It was almost as if he were protecting me. I remember thinking of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.
“He’s not a tame lion….”
I could sense the fierceness of this lion, right beneath the surface. Watching over me. I did not think about what dreaming of a lion meant at the time, I was just enjoying the comfort and safety I felt in this enormous house, where before I had been afraid. But it’s been all I can think about since I started writing this, at 430am.
That’s what my life has been lately. I have been walking around in an enormous mansion. It’s so big, so intimidating in its scope. There are so many rooms, so many hallways. So many stairs to climb.
And I have been so afraid.
Afraid to explore this enormous house, this mansion. Afraid to climb the stairs, because I don’t know what’s at the top.
Afraid to open doors.
But a lion is with me. He is at my back–but not following me like a pet.
He is no pet.
He is wild, and fierce, and with him I am safe. And something tells me he has always been there at my back.
I just never saw him before.
Yes, it was just a dream.
But considering how I’ve been feeling lately, it didn’t go how I’d have thought a dream would go. I did not dream that my fears disappeared in a puff of smoke. No, they were still there. But because the Lion was with me, I was less afraid, and sometimes not afraid at all.
And this time, the first time I saw the Lion, that feeling stayed with me when I woke.
Think of it what you will, that dream brought me the first comfort I’d felt in many days.
And it stayed with me.